Does Bullying Begin at Home?
Dear Bully Police Members,
There is disagreement among us (not unexpected) regarding the billboard that “Bullying Begins at Home.” This sign refers to the students who bully; not the targets for bullying.
Some of you believe that it is true that bullying begins at home, and have given articles that support this position. Some of you absolutely disagree that bullying begins at home, stating that this is just another way that schools foster the idea that they are not really accountable for bullying in school–a bill board of this kind fuels schools’ belief that they do all they can to help with what is just another problem brought to them.
It is critical that we reach some agreement to take a position on what we believe about the causes of bullying in schools. While it is true that parental modeling influences children’s behavior, it is also true that news media, television and video entertainment, commercials, etc, are all powerful influences on developing minds, and the power of the media may be sufficient to offset parental values of the highest order. The current media trend is mockery and bullying as a prized form of entertainment. I have done groups with students in private and public schools where children say that their parents have absolutely no idea about what they do in schools. It is also true that students who bully can be remarkably well behaved in contexts other that school.
Because a split of this kind can diminish the effectiveness of our advocacy, I would suggest that we communicate on this blog to explore the possibility of a united position, if possible. Please let me know your thoughts.
Catherine A. Hogan, MSW, LCSW
Educational Consultant, ECS
National Bullying Consultant, Bully Police USA
Clinical Instructor, Yale Child Study Center
cahogan@optonline.net
203 877 8449
February 7th, 2006 at 6:29 pm
As a lay person who has done a ton of reading on the subject, I would question the absolute claim that bullying starts at home with sufficient conviction to put it on a billboard.
Maybe home life contributes to being a bully, but to put it on a billboard ignores professional research and real life experince.
The State of Nevada put cameras on schools busses because parents didn’t believe the school when they were notified that their children were bullying on the bus.
In my reading of research, I was surprised to find out that bullies on average have HIGHER self-esteem than normal, and I KNOW that bullies can come from “good” families
At least two of the more remarkable bullies in my life came from great homes with great parents. In fact I remember being shocked when in fifth grade, I met the parents of a bully, because they were so nice. Maybe that why that bully turned out ok, but it certainly didn’t prevent this kid from tormenting other kids.
I’ll bet my bottom dollar, Bob Agaard comes from a good family.
February 7th, 2006 at 8:07 pm
My thought is this; the cause of bullying can never be as simple as a four word statement. There are children that have learned this behavior at home, there are children who learn this behavior from the media and there are children who learn this behavior at school.
My suggestion would be to change the statement to “Bullying Education Begins at Home” We can’t possibly identify all the ways that a child has learned to bully and surmise into one sentence, we can instead focus on preventative regardless of where the behavior was learned.
Rochelle Sides
Texas Director, Bully Police
March 19th, 2006 at 5:14 pm
It’s estimated that 50% of the WORLDS population are bullies. There’s a good expression to go with that. And can be a catch phrase here as well.
“Those who can DO. Those who can’t BULLY”
I was one of the kids that was picked on, I put up with TONS of stuff for not being a member of the predominant religion in Utah. By the time we moved away in the third grade kids in the area I was in had savagely beaten me many times, destroyed and stolen things from me and even killed my dog. One particular instance that stands out is, I was walking home from Taylor Elm in the Ogden East Bench.. I was attacked by several (more than 5) of the kids who regularly picked on me because I wasn’t “one of them” “its OK because your NOT one of us” as they would constantly remind me. They were wielding slingshots and acorns. I was shot at repeatedly until I was on the ground in the fetal position, at witch point they surrounded me and kicked me several times hurling insults to further degrade me. I literally had welts and bruises all over my body..THE THIRD GRADE! When my folks involved the police it was laughed off by them as “there’re just kids” and “kids will be kids” THEN all hell broke loose, my dog was poisoned and they really made my life a living hell..The attacks and beatings got so bad I was kept inside, out of school and away from them. I had been ridiculed by the parents of these kids for even speaking up “you’re all going to burn in hell”, “YOU, don’t walk on my part of the sidewalk”, “how dare you make up lies about my wonderful boys” and the ever popular “stay away from my kids you little Satan worshipper”. THESE WERE THE ADULTS!!. Rumors were spread, lies and horrible things were made up about us to bring the community down on us.. by ADULTS because we were a different religion….The kids carried out their atrocities against me , my brother and our family with the FULL support of their parents…SO YES, most of this type of behavior begins AT HOME!..
I’m sure if this post doesn’t get removed because what un-named religion was involved I will be shocked. But I know there were other kids in that area and probably ALL over the state who experienced the exact same kind of treatment.. That was a long time ago. I’m 44 now.. but the scars are still there and now and then one of my kids encounters this SAME “intolerance” from that one particular religion.. If it makes you angry because you are one of “them” imagine how I felt being nearly beaten to death at 8 years of age because I was “different” finding my dog dead from rat poison (the box was there) and fearing for my life all because I was different. We were Methodists by the way. And that wasn’t even of my choosing at that age.
March 19th, 2006 at 5:16 pm
Excellent resouce Bullyonline.org
April 10th, 2006 at 6:09 pm
Sorry to respond to myself, but I do think the statement “Bullying Prevention Begins at Home” would be a great slogan.
February 25th, 2007 at 1:36 am
Yes it would and yet it does.
February 25th, 2007 at 2:47 am
On: “does bullying begin at home”. Monkey see monkey do people. Not only are they like parrots, they ARE copycats. Anyone with a 3 year old knows this. Allot of people think they are just dumb kids or they don’t see it. But listen up. Kids are lke sponges. If you call people names or pick on a group of people even in private or jokingly? In their minds it becomes an acceptable pracitice. They see you slap or hit eachother. DV prevalance is about 50/50 M-F (yes there is proof) guess what. It becomes accceptable behavior!.. violence on TV,video games in the news,music and our culture in general,jeezlouise people! Look at “Ultimate Fighter on Spike for petes sake. KIDS ARE SPONGES! They learn by watching and emulating the world around them. So there’s your proof. It does start at home!. Maybe HOME isn’t teaching them, but they are learning it somewhere. Whats on your TV, what games are they playing. WHO are they hanging out with and what goes on when you aren’t paying attention. Sure its hard stay on top of them 24-7,We all work two and three jobs, but we laid in that bed, we made it.NOW “WE” get to be a parent! You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to spot a behavior. So if you do nothing again.. the problem comes from mis-parenting and ummm HOME?Oh yea home! None of my kids are bullies. You know why? One I didnt teach them that. two I taught them other ways of dealing with fustration and three? Every one of them knows I’d turn’em inside out for picking on ANYONE for any reason.. I rule.Not one of them has ever been so much as spanked BUT I parent with an iron fist. they, you everyone needs to do just that. There is more we as a comunity CAN DO. Its called mentoring. It need be no more complicated than setting an example or as involved as proxy parenting kids around you that don’t have decent examples to look up to. I knew one kid who loved to fight. I found out why one day. His folks fought constantly. He thought that was the way everyone was, that was normal. He had NO idea that there were other ways to live.. There are many simple things we can all do. We can’t just expect a law or some rule to fix this and “someone else” AINT gona magically fix it! its EVERYONE’S responsibility.So quit squabbling about who/where and look in the mirror. say to yourself “what can I contribute to a solution” Think global act local.As for those who are the parents of bullies and don’t care? In Tn there’s a place called Taft. Trouble makers wind up there. Needless do say no one wants to wind up at Taft. Its a boys school, they get to live there. Its as big as Point of the mountain prison. Bullies get told what to wear,when to get up, when to go to bed. ALL power is taken from them. Its highly effective. They even have to work. The entire prison system there is self sufficient. WOW!..Any problem need to be nipped in the bud. You think my views are too harsh? Listen up. Todays bullies are tomarrow prisoners. Guess how they get there, crime. You wanna stop that sooner or later?. I vote for sooner. Utah is way too easy on problem kids. THAT needs to stop.It curbed the problem in Tn. It will work here. Here’s another odd factoid. The prison system there isn’t overflowing like it is here. WHY?..What are other systems doing we aren’t. Well for one Prison is a vacation for many in utah, 3 hots and a cot. In Tn and many other states? They WORK for their KEEP!..Very little tax dollars are wasted on prisoners. Your avg prisoner here? sucks up a staggering 75K per year.In 2002 there were 5567 prison inmates in Utah, ready for this? Thats over 41 million tax dollars to support them that year. How could the schools use that money if the inmates had to work in a self sufficient system like Tn has. Security? More pay for teachers? Pay actual police to patrol the schools. Not just one, several. 41 million dollars folks. Utah Schools are some of the worst in the country as far as pay and security goes. Many don’t have enough books or personel to battle the problems the kids are having. Our best educators go over the state line because they can get around 30K MORE over there. That leaves us the undesirable and the inexperienced teachers. Small wonder the schools here are a mess! The avg prison inmate sucks up THREE times what the avg teacher makes in Utah. There is something VERY wrong with that picture.Are you sick yet? Here’s another fact for that ulcer kids. That prison population is growing faster than they can build prisons. Not just here.. nearly everywhere. On June 30, 2002 there were over TWO MILLION prison inmates in the USA. Ready or not, how this for a number $15,000,000,000. What could that do for education?.. You may be thinking whats this got to do with bullying? Everything. Most of those prisoners are preditors, bullies. I’d say the education system and the prison system are NOT working. Education is down, prison populations are exploding! See it now? The system isn’t working.Big problem huh? Not if we all work together. We can no longer affford to blame others, hope some one else will fix it or just let things go. The people have power.. Be heard. call your political leaders, e-mail, snail mail and the biggy..VOTE!..Think about how this coutry was formed and why. Then pay attention and vote.
September 9th, 2007 at 9:41 am
I cannot imagine how this could be even divided… Ultimately responsibility rests with the parents. Parents know if their child is a bully, so even if the child learns this outside the home there are many tell tale signs. So it does start at home. If a parent cannot observe their own child and know what they are up too, then they need to pull their heads out of their nether regions and get with the program. Ignoring a problem, looking the other way or just not seeing it is no excuse. One cannot always be the child’s fun buddy.. some times you MUST be the ogre!